Staking of Claim - A Mardle

Choosing sunbeds on the first day of your holiday is probably the most important decision you're going to make once you've reached your destination. Its very likely that, if you get it right on your first day, you'll gravitate to the same place thereafter. But there's a couple of things to consider:

• Position to pool bar. I want to be relatively close to the pool bar not only for the drinks but also for people watching and the entertainment value that brings. However I don't want the beds to be next to the main thoroughfare of people making their way to the bar disturbing my relaxation.

• Position to the pool. Not too close, I want to avoid the resultant splashes of over enthusiastic adults showing off their swimming prowess, but not too far away as I prefer to limit the amount of exposure I give the world when walking to and from the pool. Being seen in a bikini is not my favourite thing to do.

Having taken the above into consideration, I narrow the choice to a couple of promising sites and move to phase 2 of the elimination process, namely evaluation of the neighbours:

• Are they older than me?

• Are they more athletic looking than me?

• Are they already tanned and golden?

Obviously if there are no neighbours at this point then you have to leave phase 2 to the Gods and hope they're kind.

Site chosen, there then comes the awkward moment of dragging the beds into position for full sun exposure. The beds are always heavy and despite being on wheels, scrape and grind when all but the most expert manoeuvre them into position. However, that achieved I turn to the umbrella but decide there's no way I am moving that without losing all my dignity and probably a couple of toes at the same time.

Next comes the ultimate staking of claim - carefully laying out the complimentary pool towels, placing of the sun lotion next to our beds, books out and stowing of bag safely under the table. I step back to take stock of our campsite for the day and feeling satisfied, sink onto the bed and hide behind sunnies to observe other arrivals.

It's an interesting watch. Some couples, The Intellectuals, arrive, look around, gesticulate a little, point in varying directions including up at the sky clearly mapping the sun's course for the day before deciding on their place.

The Carefrees literally arrive and throw their belongings on the nearest beds and generally get straight in the pool. They're happy anywhere - wherever I lay my hat and all that.

The Undecideds will try two, even three positions before they finally settle on where they will camp. Even then, one of them can often be seen standing, hands on hips looking around wondering if they've made the right decision.

Then there's The Vultures, the ones who arrive late and cannot find two sunbeds together. They have to make do with broken beds or the lesser position by the busy towel exchange station. Mark my words, they will be spending their time choosing their preferred position for the next day and will be up at the crack of dawn to bag that spot. And that could be yours. You'll arrive to find them already installed, smiling smugly with a cheery 'good morning' and you will be consigned to your second choice from the day before where you will scowl at them from behind your sunnies, knowing that The Hubster will be up even earlier tomorrow to reclaim your patch. It's nothing to do with nationality anymore, it's a primitive instinct to reclaim what's yours !! Hysterical human behaviour.

So which one are you? Intellectual, Carefree, Undecided or, dare you admit it, a Vulture? I'd love to hear your stories about staking your claim, good or bad. Spill the beans on your poolside choices