The Soundtrack of Summer - A Moaning

We all have those tunes that remind us of long, hot, lazy summers spent by the pool in exotic climes, drink in hand, listening to Latino beats that we wouldn't normally listen to, but are now part of memories of our holidays in the sun.

For me, Spandau Ballet's 'True' always takes me back to school days, lying on the parched grass behind the mobiles with a group of my chums and one of our number saying with absolute authority 'that's Steve that is,' as the saxophone solo crooned from the radio. Great tunes, wonderful memories.

But that's not what I'm talking about here. Oh no! I'm talking about something which is much less pleasant or reminiscent of good times. An annual irksome cacophony of noise that is guaranteed to send my dog Teddy into a frenzy and put my teeth on edge until I'm at screaming point.

I'm talking about flies! Yes those 'sky currents', as we dog owners call them. The pesky little blighters who our four legged companions snap at as they whiz by and pursue inevitably to the windows in an attempt to silence them, usually unsuccessfully!

Under the umbrella of 'flies', I'm including any flying insect that exists for this Moaning, (although any bee is exempt from this slur of character). Their arrival for me heralds the worst thing about summer - with maybe the exception of spiders, which have, in the past been the reason for a whole room being emptied in order for one to be evicted back into the garden before I will go to sleep! It's totally illogical I know, but once they hit a certain size, I just can't reason with myself that it's not there to eat me - at least not in the UK.

I'm a Pagan at heart and believe in the sanctity of all life, so despite the infuriating, mind altering drone of a flying insect, the rude invasion of your home, not to mention your personal space, and their association of feeding on undesirable organic matter, I cant bear to think of their despair when they're crawling endlessly across a window or repeatedly butting into the glass. The frustration of 'why can't I get out?' must be so real. They don't understand what the barrier is.

Can you think back to a time when you have felt so frustrated in your life? Maybe when you couldn't achieve something no matter how hard you tried? Or you were not able to make someone understand your point of view no matter how many times and how fully you explained it? it's enough to bring you to tears, and this is how I imagine the flying insect must feel when trying to get beyond the glass (bees included). I know I'm humanising them but I just can't bear to see any living thing suffering and despite their abhorrent nature (and that noise), I will open windows, swoosh a curtain and flick them in the direction of the door and windows with anything to hand to get them back outside and out of my earshot before my Pagan values are pushed to the max!

But the noise! That incessant buzzing of an angry flying insect, zooming around your house at breakneck speed (the reason for the noise apparently). Often, they don't even wait for summer....as soon as the weather has the slightest warmth to it and you open the doors and windows to welcome the energy, in they come as if it's their God given right, gate crashing the party and then realising that the party sucks and they're desperate to get out again. Yet despite the huge holes in the walls where the doors and windows stand open, the same holes they managed to come in through, they just can't seem to find their way to freedom!

Surely it is white noise used for torture in a hostage situation? Anyone ever watch SAS: Who Dares Wins on Channel 4? I mean, it's wishful thinking that I'd ever make it to the stage where the recruits are subjected to white noise and stress positions but if I did and buzzing fly sounds were introduced, I'd be throwing in my armband without a moments hesitation. Worse than a baby crying, worse than nails on a blackboard (now who remembers that horror?), worse than probably any other noise I can think of! (although the engaged noise of a telephone is pretty annoying....but that's for another time.)

So there it is, every summer without fail always the same. Despite the multitude of fabulous tunes produced every year attaching themselves to my memories of holidays, daycations, parties, BBQs, and picnics, the one guaranteed thing about summer is always the same, the irritating, monotonous drone of flies and their associated clan members.

The Soundtrack of Summer !